Well Kids...

In order to fulfill by dream of going back to my toe-head roots, I have made an appointment to color my hair closer to my natural colors...which is about 4 levels lighter than the color it is now. It going to be quite a change, because I have had dark hair since about 10th grade.

When I get it back to my natural color, and get it healthy again, then we will talk about the blonde!

Which means a series of deep-conditioning treatments is in my future, probably tonight will be the first one. Blah!

Norge

Do you see this? This is where I came from!



Okay, not me personally, but my grandpa did. Here in Fredrikstad to be more specific














I can't wait to go on a trip to Norway. I have been planning it forever. And I really wish I had some great news along the lines of "I'm finally going!" But I don't. Still just wishing away.




Someday, I will swim in a fjord (fi-yord).














Someday I will get to turn my nose up at Lutefisk (lye soaked cod)



















Someday I will get to celebrate Syttende Mai (May 17th Constitution Day) in my bunad (boo-nad)













Someday...it will happen and it will be the greatest trip of my life!



And its making me want to go back to my toe-head blonde roots :)











So, all you work-bloggie friends, don't be too alarmed if I show up with very blonde hair one day. But don't worry, it might not happen because I'll be too afraid of my hair falling out!

Rain

I love the smell of rain. It is my favorite thing in the world. Yesterday, Me and the dog sat on the back porch in the freezing cold (it wouldn't have been so cold if I wasn't in a tank top) just watching and smelling the rain. I think the dog loves it too. We went back inside, and I closed the door, and she got very upset. She started kicking it and whining, so I opened it back up and we sat outside some more.

I was so excited that it was raining not snowing. I'm done with the snow. For good. But then I was at my mom's and it started snowing big time. Blah! It didn't last very long, so that was good. I was so happy, because to me, rain means Spring!

On Saturday, me and my sister made invitations for my mom's Easter Egg Hunt. She does it every year for her grandkids, but since my Grandma isn't here anymore, all the cousins and Grandpa are coming too. Its going to be our family Easter dinner afterward. Its going to be fun! Dave will probably be working so that sucks. He's only been here for one of them. Come to think of it, Dave will probably be working on Easter too. Bummer. This stupid job of his isn't that much different that the Marine Corps, and I'm not so sure I like it. He likes it though so I guess I just have to deal. I've done it before, why not awhile longer?

I'm typing this with a brace on my hand. The afformentioned pain in my wrist is only getting worse. I have a real live brace now, instead of just an ace bandage, and its on all the time. I'm really hoping that I don't need surgery, because that puts me out of work for a couple of weeks, and I don't want that. That would suck in a number of ways.

Nothing too exciting happened this weekend, except the rain. I should have taken a picture to document the day spring started for me, even though it doesn't officially start for another month. March 20, 2008. Can't wait. I'm excited for Summer to get here so that we can go hiking and camping again. I miss it. We only went camping twice last year and that was not enough for me. I need more!

I'm going to start taking more pictures to put on here so that you guys have something more fun to look at. Maybe I'll have a fun scar to show you sometime in the near future. That will be cool, except I think they do it with scopes now, so nevermind. Foiled again! Blast! :) (too much Family guy this weekend)

Ha Det!

****

For some reason, my little blogger menu won't let me change the font or the color, or even put it in italics, it just does this: . That was me pushing the italics button. So you are all getting a black, boring post today. BLAH!

I'm starting to feel better. After my really bad night Thursday, followed by my really bad day Friday, I'm starting to notice myself in here somewhere. That is a relief. I cried by myself for about 2 or 3 hours on Thursday night. It just started, and then it wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop it. I got up, did the dishes, watched a funny movie, and I was just crying. I emptied to tissue box that night.

Friday, I was just drained. As the day went on, I felt more and more weight pressing down on me, and I didn't know how to stop it. I went to dinner at my mom's house with BOTH of my brothers and my sister. Dave was working so he couldn't come [ :( ] but it was good to just hang out with everyone. My nephew that lives in California is the greatest thing ever. He is the most non-annoying kid in the world, no lie. I miss him, and my brother Aaron, and my sister-in-law Mechelle.

As this week has gone on, I have been starting to get back to my normal self. I still get sad. I've been crying a lot easier now, but I think its a good thing. I held it in after Grandma died, and I think that's why the funeral was such a mess for me.

Time heals all wounds, yeah?


Other news, my wrist has been killing me the last 2 days. I've been wrapping it after work so that it can be in the right position instead of stupid typing position, but I can't do it at work, because it makes it really hard to type like a normal human being. I hope it feels better soon. Its a pain in my ass. I have to keep stopping because of the shooting pain going from my thumb to about my elbow. Yikes!

Anyway, I don't really have much to say. Just haven't been on here in awhile. Me and Dave are looking at houses in Tooele, which means I get a new car when we move!!!!!!

!!

I hate my old car. It is a peice of junk. 1992 was a long time ago. I really want a MINI since I'm not having kids for 4 or 5 more years, but Dave said no because he doesn't want to have to pull me out of the snow :) They sure are cute though. He says it has to be 4WD or AWD. I'll keep looking, and see if I can't talk him into it. I'm pretty good at getting what I want from him (don't tell him that, or the jig will be up) HA!

Have a good day, and if I don't see ya again, a great, wonderful, party filled weekend as well.

Mine will involve some tasty blended drinks at a resturant of Dave's choosing. I chose Olive Garden last weekend. YUM!

Out!

February Song

I don't know why this song is getting to me so much, but it is. I love it, but it makes me sad at the same time. It makes me think of my Grandma and Grandpa. I don't know why. Listen to it. Love it. Have a better day than I'm having.



These lyrics are the full song, the video is the shorter version. Its missing a verse and a chorus. Anyway, its awesome

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes

Jeg elsker deg, Beste mamma

So yesterday was the funeral, and it was awful. I didn't think it would be that hard, but it was the worst day of my life. At the viewing on Tuesday I was perfectly fine, until I went to say goodbye to my Grandpa. I lost it. At the viewing before the funeral on Wednesday, I was okay until they told us it was time to say our last goodbyes. I wasn't okay with that. I didn't go see her again. I had a picture in my mind, and I wanted to keep it.

During the service, I was sitting next to my oldest brother. He was taking it pretty hard because my Grandma basically raised him until he was 2. He meant a lot to her, and her to him. When my 6'3", 300 lb big brother starts crying, I'm not okay with it. It was hard for me not to cry when he was crying.

My mom did the eulogy, and her cousin said some things as well. It was really nice. To hear all those memories of her from them. I kept looking at my Grandpa as they were speaking, and he was crying, but I think it was a happy cry. Remembering all those things, he just kept nodding like, "Yep, that's right. I remember that."

Now I'm crying again.

At the cemetery, it was bad. It didn't start snowing until the minute we got there, and then it was coming down. My mom's uncle did the dedication of the grave, and it was hard to hear. He kept saying "her final resting place" and that got me everytime he said it. When it was all over, all the grandkids took a rose off of her casket. I loved it. I would rather have one from her then put one in the ground.

All in all, it was a really good, sad day. There were lots of memories, but still being reminded of her not being there anymore. I'm not okay. I told Dave last night that I didn't feel good, and he said probably because you ate too much. But it wasn't that kind of not feeling good, my body hurts. I hurt everywhere. My brain, my eyes, my muscles ache. Its going to take a long time for me to be okay. I hope it doesn't last too long. I have never felt this way before, and I really don't like it.

I love you, Grandma

KayLene Newbold Pedersen

1935 ~ 2008

KayLene Newbold Pedersen died February 7, 2008 of cancer, surrounded by her loving family at her home. Kay was born December 30, 1935 in Murray. She was the youngest daughter of Henry Arnold and Hazel Ann Christensen Newbold. She met Tore Pedersen at Granite High School and married him in the Salt Lake Temple shortly after graduation, on June 19, 1953. Together they had five children that they raised in Magna. Kay was passionate about many things; beaches, lighthouses, herbs, gardening and holidays. She was the world's best Grandma, just ask any of her 16 grandchildren. She was an active member of the LDS Church and served in many callings throughout her life. She had a strong testimony of Jesus Christ.

She is survived by her husband; children, Susan Porter (Kelvin), Sandra Kirkendoll (Mark), Scott Pedersen (Lisa), Stacy Brubaker (Ladd), Stefany Kelley (James); her 16 grandchildren; 13 great-grandchildren; and her sister, Jean Fitt (Robert). Preceded in death by her parents.

The family would like to give a special thanks to Dr. Nancy McLaughlin, Dr. Jonathan Blanch and Care Source, for all of their compassion and efforts on mom's behalf. Services will be held Wednesday, February 13, 2008 at 12 noon in the Lakeridge 4th Ward chapel (3150 South 7700 West, Magna). A viewing will be held at the church from 6-8 p.m. on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 and Wednesday 10:30-11:45 a.m. Interment at Larkin Sunset Gardens (1950 East 10600 South, Sandy).

Online condolences at: www.larkincares.com

Goodbye Grandma

Me and Dave were at an award thing for his dad last night. I knew that if my phone rang, it would be someone telling me that she was gone. My mom called at 8:54, and told me that grandma passed away at 8:44.
I had looked at my phone at 8:44.

Freaky.

My mom and all of her siblings were at Grandma's house, and my sister was there because she was close and decided to stop by and see how things were. Grandma's breathing was getting slower and weaker, and she wasn't swallowing very well so she was gurgling.

I talked to my sister this morning about what happened, and she said that as her breathing got slower and harder, Grandpa leaned down and told her that it was okay now. All of her kids were there, and it was okay to go, and he gave her a kiss. She said that her breathing just kept slowing down until it finally stopped.

Grandma's cat, Violet, wouldn't leave her alone since Sunday. She was either in the room or on Grandma's bed at her feet or on her pillow. Her bird, Rob Roy, had a big cage upstairs and was going crazy on Monday chirping and going back and forth and up and down, so they moved him into his smaller cage in Grandma's room downstairs. He didn't make a peep. My sister said that about a minute before Grandma left, the bird turned his back and stopped making noise, and Violet left the room and went upstairs. When it was over, Violet came back and started knocking the petals off the flowers next to Grandma's bed, and was putting them on her chest.

I'm kind of okay that I didn't go over last night, because my mom said that it was bad. Just that I didn't want to see her the way she was. I didn't want to remember her like that. I just didn't want her to leave on my birthday, not because it was my birthday, but because its going to be my birthday for the rest of my life, and I didn't want to remember it because of that every year. It was pretty damn close though, so I might be out of luck. My birthday is tomorrow.

I called and left Donna (my manager) a message last night telling her that I wasn't coming in today. No one has called me so I guess it was okay. I'm sitting here crying while I'm writing this, so I don't think me sitting at my desk would be very bad.

I know I'll stop crying some time, but as soon as I stop thinking about anything but this, it just comes out, and I can't control it. I have a headache this morning, because I didn't sleep good, and I tense up my neck when I cry.

Dave's been great. When my phone rang last night, he leaned in and asked me if we needed to leave. I told him yes, because I didn't want to start crying in front of everyone in the room, including his family. He held my hand and put his hand on my back as we walked to truck. When we got out of the parking lot, he held my hand, he just let me cry, he didn't say anything, and that was okay. When we got into the house, he gave me a really long hug, and let me cry, then he told me to go lay down. Once I got changed and stuff, he came and laid with me. He was hungry because we were supposed to go to dinner. He went and got Wendy's and I had a frosty and fries and we ate it in bed. I was okay while I was watching a movie. As soon as I turned it off, I started crying again.

I'll be okay, eventually, everyone will. I just don't know how to handle this.



Kaylene Newbold Pedersen
Died February 7, 2008
At 8:44 p.m.

I love you (Jeg Elsker Deg) Grandma (Beste Mamma)

Could this be the day?

My mom just called to say that she was on her way to my Grandma's house. My aunt called her and left her a near hysterical message. She said that Grandmas was "talking to someone" saying that she would be there soon, and that she would hurry, she was going as fast as she could, things like that. Grandma told my aunt that today was the day she was going to die, and that she wanted all of her kids to be there.

She has been falling down a lot, a lot, and has stopped eating and drinking. Everyone thinks that the tumor has metastasized to her brain stem and that's why she keeps falling. We knew that when it got to that point it would only be a matter of days before she was gone.

At the same time, this could also just be the tumor getting bigger and pushing on a different part of her brain and making her act loopier. But if she is saying that she's going, no one is going to dismiss it. I hope it doesn't happen right now. I really don't want it to happen on my birthday, because that's all I would remember for the rest of my life.

I know I feel terrified and worried and sad, but there are some other emotions in me that I don't even know how to describe. I couldn't even begin to tell you what I'm feeling completely. I really need my husband to wake up so I can talk to him. Hopefully he'll be up before I go back to work from lunch. I just need a hug.