Grandma Pedersen

So I found out on Friday that my Grandma Pedersen isn't going to be with us much longer. She has been acting really loopy for that last like 2 weeks or so and everyone just thought she was old, or stressed from Christmas or whatever. She had been sick and was dehydrated, so when my aunt found her in the kitchen walking in circles because she couldn't make the potato salad for all the people who were coming to stay at her house (they weren't coming for 2 more days and it was just my aunt and uncle ) she decided to call her doctor.
He said to bring her in so they could get some fluids in her and maybe that would help.
Fluids were given.
Scans were done.
Masses were found.
They found one on her brain, and some in her lungs. A year at the most if she does the radiation, and they're talking weeks if she doesn't. She already said that she would not do chemo period, so I don't know how the radiation thing is going to go. I almost think she won't do it because she already knows that it isn't going to make her better, but I don't know.

This is going to be a bad year or less. For everyone. I haven't talked to my grand parents for a few years. I saw them and talked to them for a couple of hours this summer, but that's it. I think that's the biggest part of me being upset. The other part is that this is the first time I'm old enough to be affected by losing someone in my family, and I'm realizing what that feels like.

So far my mom is doing alright. But she isn't an emotional person at all, so I don't really know how she is.

I'll keep you all updated.

Thanks for listening!

Mel

I was just reading some of Mel's first posts (I should be doing some type of work I'm sure) and I still can't decide why it makes me cry.









Mostly, because I have a heart, and though I don't have anywhere close to an idea of what she was and still is feeling, I feel so grateful that it didn't happen to me because she is a lot stronger than me. Not that I would wish it on my worst enemy, but just hearing the things she was feeling and how she was trying to deal with this, it makes my heart hurt.


I feel grateful for Dave, and that I have this chance to love him and build a life with him. I'm grateful that he got to come home to me, and I didn't have to feel what Mel is feeling. Grateful that I will never know what it's like to lose the love of my life to war that I'm not sure I even understand. He is such a great man, and treats me like a queen, and I will always love him no matter what happens.

He doesn't like it when I get all gushy on him, but sometimes I just have flashbacks of what I was feeling while he was gone. I kind of have to catch my breath and fight the tears back. I still have a hard time leaving him or him leaving me, like overnight. My mom calls it my "post-traumatic seperation anxiety" :) I think its because I know what saying goodbye meant those two times we did it, and I don't want to do it ever again.

I was a shell of myself for those 2 sets of 7 months.I couldn't sleep, because I have a very active sub-concious anyway. Throw Iraq in there and it just gets messy. I made myself not sleep because I just felt like I shouldn't put myself in that situation. Everytime my phone rang, I got excited and terrified all at the same time. To hear his voice so far away and so close, was the greatest feeling I could ever imagine. Then he would say goodbye, and it started all over again.



I don't know how I did it, but I did. And I'm grateful to Mel, and all Military Widows, for being strong enough to handle this so the not so strong among us don't have to. Though I know none of them want to be the strong one, I love them all for it. I wish I could give them all a hug and a kiss and tell them that.




I love my husband with all my heart, and I don't ever want to lose him. I just hope he knows how much.


Enough of that sob session! Its 4:56 on Friday and Me and Dave are going to Chili's tonight!!!

Ha Det!

Get Excited!....NOW!!!!!

Okay everyone, it is time for you all to be as excited as I have been for the whole day.

They have cast Edward for the Twilight movie. *screams* It is Robert Pattinson, the guy who played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter. Umm...yummy? Yeah, he is.

They cast Bella awhile ago. Kristen Stewart. I think she will be good. Pail, red hair. Its gonna be great. These are the only two that they have announced, but they better hurry up. Production is set to start in February. AHHHHHHH!!!!

I haven't been this excited for a movie since Harry Potter. I know that makes me sound like a super nerd, but I don't care. Its gonna be great!

You can all enjoy looking at his picture, I'm gonna go dig up some more dirt.

Ha Det!

Some sad news

So me and Dave have decided to wait and start school next semester. Things just aren't working out right now. Plus I didn't qualify for a grant and they didn't accept us as residents which is bullshit but we're are appealing it anyway so it doesn't matter. But I want everything to be in place before I start.

Dave had an interview at Kennecott, and we are really hoping that he gets this job because it will be so perfect. He would be making enough money, that we could get a house, and I could get my new car and we won't be broke anymore!!!! Then we can go to school. Plus Kennecott has tuition reimbursement plus Dave gets his GI bill, so it isn't going to cost that much.

I really hope he gets this job, because everything will be better. Not that things are bad now, just the money thing. It sucks to be paying this much in rent when we could be spending the same amount on a house payment. Stupid mortgage company!

Anyway, we started looking at houses, even though we won't be moving until like next October. But hey its nice to know what kind of stuff is out there. And I know that I can park my new beast because we went to a dealer on Saturday night and asked them if I could park it. I already know I can drive a big car, I just wasn't sure I could park it (I'm not very good at it). But I tried it, and it worked, and it turns tighter than my little Subaru. Nice!

That is all for now!

See ya!