Mel

I was just reading some of Mel's first posts (I should be doing some type of work I'm sure) and I still can't decide why it makes me cry.









Mostly, because I have a heart, and though I don't have anywhere close to an idea of what she was and still is feeling, I feel so grateful that it didn't happen to me because she is a lot stronger than me. Not that I would wish it on my worst enemy, but just hearing the things she was feeling and how she was trying to deal with this, it makes my heart hurt.


I feel grateful for Dave, and that I have this chance to love him and build a life with him. I'm grateful that he got to come home to me, and I didn't have to feel what Mel is feeling. Grateful that I will never know what it's like to lose the love of my life to war that I'm not sure I even understand. He is such a great man, and treats me like a queen, and I will always love him no matter what happens.

He doesn't like it when I get all gushy on him, but sometimes I just have flashbacks of what I was feeling while he was gone. I kind of have to catch my breath and fight the tears back. I still have a hard time leaving him or him leaving me, like overnight. My mom calls it my "post-traumatic seperation anxiety" :) I think its because I know what saying goodbye meant those two times we did it, and I don't want to do it ever again.

I was a shell of myself for those 2 sets of 7 months.I couldn't sleep, because I have a very active sub-concious anyway. Throw Iraq in there and it just gets messy. I made myself not sleep because I just felt like I shouldn't put myself in that situation. Everytime my phone rang, I got excited and terrified all at the same time. To hear his voice so far away and so close, was the greatest feeling I could ever imagine. Then he would say goodbye, and it started all over again.



I don't know how I did it, but I did. And I'm grateful to Mel, and all Military Widows, for being strong enough to handle this so the not so strong among us don't have to. Though I know none of them want to be the strong one, I love them all for it. I wish I could give them all a hug and a kiss and tell them that.




I love my husband with all my heart, and I don't ever want to lose him. I just hope he knows how much.


Enough of that sob session! Its 4:56 on Friday and Me and Dave are going to Chili's tonight!!!

Ha Det!