Jeg elsker deg, Beste mamma

So yesterday was the funeral, and it was awful. I didn't think it would be that hard, but it was the worst day of my life. At the viewing on Tuesday I was perfectly fine, until I went to say goodbye to my Grandpa. I lost it. At the viewing before the funeral on Wednesday, I was okay until they told us it was time to say our last goodbyes. I wasn't okay with that. I didn't go see her again. I had a picture in my mind, and I wanted to keep it.

During the service, I was sitting next to my oldest brother. He was taking it pretty hard because my Grandma basically raised him until he was 2. He meant a lot to her, and her to him. When my 6'3", 300 lb big brother starts crying, I'm not okay with it. It was hard for me not to cry when he was crying.

My mom did the eulogy, and her cousin said some things as well. It was really nice. To hear all those memories of her from them. I kept looking at my Grandpa as they were speaking, and he was crying, but I think it was a happy cry. Remembering all those things, he just kept nodding like, "Yep, that's right. I remember that."

Now I'm crying again.

At the cemetery, it was bad. It didn't start snowing until the minute we got there, and then it was coming down. My mom's uncle did the dedication of the grave, and it was hard to hear. He kept saying "her final resting place" and that got me everytime he said it. When it was all over, all the grandkids took a rose off of her casket. I loved it. I would rather have one from her then put one in the ground.

All in all, it was a really good, sad day. There were lots of memories, but still being reminded of her not being there anymore. I'm not okay. I told Dave last night that I didn't feel good, and he said probably because you ate too much. But it wasn't that kind of not feeling good, my body hurts. I hurt everywhere. My brain, my eyes, my muscles ache. Its going to take a long time for me to be okay. I hope it doesn't last too long. I have never felt this way before, and I really don't like it.

I love you, Grandma