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A New Life

Hide and Seek

Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
Oh, you won't catch me around here.
Blood and tears,
They were here first.

What you say?
That you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
What you say?
That it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
What you say?
That it's just what we need? And you decided this.
What you say? What did she say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit.

You don't care a bit.



From now on this blog is closed...
you can find me at this one though if you want... http://anewlife-ck.blogspot.com/

Don't be expecting anything for awhile though...and any of you readers who still talk to D-bag, please don't pass along this info. That would be much appreciated.

Thanks,
Love you ALL!

Intense---and my 100th post

For my 100th post, I wanted to say something very profound. Not just any old post....This is a big deal. Isn't It? Probably not...

But it doesn't matter any way, because there is currently nothing profound happening in my life. Nothing that all of you haven't heard before anyway.

Today me and D-bag (as he has so "lovingly" come to be known) are closing on the house. I don't want to go there, I don't want to see him, I don't want to sign the papers that mean my old life is officially over. Even though I haven't lived in our house since the first of November, it was still our house. That was still our life. And yes me and Dave are over, and I could never even begin to want to be back there, but it was still good while I was in it. I was still very happy while I was with him.

Kevin's sister is going through a pretty shitty time right now, and I was reading a post she put up either last night or this morning. She read through the book "He's just not that into You" and she made a little list of her favorite "statements" from the book. Now, I haven't read that book. I didn't see the movie because it came to theatres when I wasn't very emotionally stable and I didn't think having that term shoved in my face repeatedly would have helped...Anyway, there was one statement on her list that really stuck out at me.


There's a guy out there
who's going to be really
happy that you didn't get
back together with your
ex-boyfriend

In my case it's ex-husband, but you get the point....

It's okay that today is going to suck
It's okay that my old life is over
It's okay that Dave didn't realize what he had until it was too late.

Because all of this crappiness happened in my life, I was able to re-connect with a guy who I realize now I probably should have been with in the first place...Kevin.

But I try not to think like that...because even if I had known what he felt for me before I was even married, I don't think it would have mattered. I tell Kevin all the time that I wish he would have done something more to make me see how he felt and then we wouldn't have wasted 3+ years for absolutely no reason. But I know that I had to go through this with Dave and that Kevin had to go through what he went through with a different someone before we could get back to a place where we were both happy with each other.

The happiest either of us have ever been.

There is nothing more than that. Nothing more than feeling happy and feeling like its the right place to be. For both of us.

That is my profound post...nothing more than some profound feelings I've had for quite some time. That I'm happy in the place I'm at, and I'm happy with the guy I'm with, and that right now there is nothing I would change.

Who knew it was that simple?

Takin' a little trip

Me and Kevin are headed to Vegas in 2 weeks!

He has a bowling thing down there and its apparently a huge thing. We will be staying in Vegas 2 nights and then with his Sister and Brother-in-law in St. George for 2 more nights..

I can't even wait! We got our hotel booked already and its only $50 a night...Rockin!

I bought a new swimsuit, and some new shirts that totally show off my tattoo, and I'm ready to go have some fun!!!

I'll let you know how it goes!

Secret Shoes ???

So...I just found these shoes...The question:

How amazing are they??

I currently cannot tell you what they are for, but if I actually do end up purchasing them you will all know about it...don't worry...

But for now I just wanted to share them with you.

I used to post all kinds of things....Like say a new movie poster!!!!

Remember When...?

So I don't know how many of you remember my previous obsession when I found out the date the Twilight movie was coming out...
I had a little count down widget...

I posted all the news I could find about the progress of the movie...

All kinds of things.

Well...

Here we go again...

"New Moon" kids...its coming and its gonna ROCK!

Here it is!!!

The finished version that isn't so red...What do you think??

Drum Roll Please.......

This is the most "finished" picture I have...I'm not going to put a fully complete shot up until its healed and looks beautiful.

Mostly it hurt like hell...especially the branches that come out to the middle of my back. Very tender spot right there.

I'm so unbelievably excited about this...I've been wanting it for a very long time...


Here are a couple more pictures of the night. Not pleasant...don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

90 days...over

So today...the 90 day waiting period is up for my divorce. And I'm actually really excited about it. After Dave started acting all weirdo, I'm not sad or angry anymore, I'm just ready to be done.

But, although the 90 days are up today, it still isn't final. Now a judge will look over the case and if everything is in order, then he will sign the whatever paper that says its over. The lady told me to call in like 2 weeks to check the status and then I can go purchase that whatever paper and I'm good to go!!! I'm very happy about this day.

On a sadder not, saturday is the anniversary of my Grandma's death. Me and Kevin (the new boy) are going to Mesquite for the weekend for a softball tournament and I told him that he needs to try and keep my mind off of it. Of course, he will be playing most of the day, and its supposed to be crappy and rainy so its gonna be hard, but hopefully I will have things to pay attention to besides that. I'm not excited for it, its gonna be a bad day, and I really don't want to remember it....but oh well. I'm a pretty tough person (emotionally) these days so I think it will be okay.

Anyway, I stole one of my dad's big memory cards so that I can pretend like I'm going to take lots of pictures this weekend, but we'll see if it really happens. I want you all to see Kevin, so I'll try to have something interesting to post when we get back.

Ha Det!

Ashleigh

My blog friend over at Heart and Home is having some hard times. Her and her family could really use all the prayers and good thoughts that any of you have to spare.

Please keep her in your hearts.

I'm not dead

So what's new...not a whole lot.

I moved into the basement at my parent's house. I wasn't happy about that, but I'm kind of diggin' it now.

I got a new job, aproximately 2 blocks away from my old office. I thought that was funny :)

My car is awesome.

I'm getting a tattoo for my birthday (fingers crossed). A cherry blossom branch with the greatest poem under it.

Live in simple faith...

Just as this simple cherry

Flowers, fades, and falls

I'm hoping it will remind me to keep my head up; pain is fleeting, and so is the life it inhabits...so don't dwell on it!

I have also found some major happiness in my life!!! More to come on that front.

Until then, no I'm not dead. I haven't disappeared. I've just been in a weirdo mood, and didn't think you all wanted to hear me whine some more.

But I'm over it now, so BRING IT ON!!!