Goodbye Grandma

Me and Dave were at an award thing for his dad last night. I knew that if my phone rang, it would be someone telling me that she was gone. My mom called at 8:54, and told me that grandma passed away at 8:44.
I had looked at my phone at 8:44.

Freaky.

My mom and all of her siblings were at Grandma's house, and my sister was there because she was close and decided to stop by and see how things were. Grandma's breathing was getting slower and weaker, and she wasn't swallowing very well so she was gurgling.

I talked to my sister this morning about what happened, and she said that as her breathing got slower and harder, Grandpa leaned down and told her that it was okay now. All of her kids were there, and it was okay to go, and he gave her a kiss. She said that her breathing just kept slowing down until it finally stopped.

Grandma's cat, Violet, wouldn't leave her alone since Sunday. She was either in the room or on Grandma's bed at her feet or on her pillow. Her bird, Rob Roy, had a big cage upstairs and was going crazy on Monday chirping and going back and forth and up and down, so they moved him into his smaller cage in Grandma's room downstairs. He didn't make a peep. My sister said that about a minute before Grandma left, the bird turned his back and stopped making noise, and Violet left the room and went upstairs. When it was over, Violet came back and started knocking the petals off the flowers next to Grandma's bed, and was putting them on her chest.

I'm kind of okay that I didn't go over last night, because my mom said that it was bad. Just that I didn't want to see her the way she was. I didn't want to remember her like that. I just didn't want her to leave on my birthday, not because it was my birthday, but because its going to be my birthday for the rest of my life, and I didn't want to remember it because of that every year. It was pretty damn close though, so I might be out of luck. My birthday is tomorrow.

I called and left Donna (my manager) a message last night telling her that I wasn't coming in today. No one has called me so I guess it was okay. I'm sitting here crying while I'm writing this, so I don't think me sitting at my desk would be very bad.

I know I'll stop crying some time, but as soon as I stop thinking about anything but this, it just comes out, and I can't control it. I have a headache this morning, because I didn't sleep good, and I tense up my neck when I cry.

Dave's been great. When my phone rang last night, he leaned in and asked me if we needed to leave. I told him yes, because I didn't want to start crying in front of everyone in the room, including his family. He held my hand and put his hand on my back as we walked to truck. When we got out of the parking lot, he held my hand, he just let me cry, he didn't say anything, and that was okay. When we got into the house, he gave me a really long hug, and let me cry, then he told me to go lay down. Once I got changed and stuff, he came and laid with me. He was hungry because we were supposed to go to dinner. He went and got Wendy's and I had a frosty and fries and we ate it in bed. I was okay while I was watching a movie. As soon as I turned it off, I started crying again.

I'll be okay, eventually, everyone will. I just don't know how to handle this.



Kaylene Newbold Pedersen
Died February 7, 2008
At 8:44 p.m.

I love you (Jeg Elsker Deg) Grandma (Beste Mamma)